There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
