Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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