I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
