what if every blade of grass was a penis?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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