why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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