I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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