Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
