When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
