I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
