I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Dignity is for republicans.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
