fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
