I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
