I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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