Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
