sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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