More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
We smell like vodka and hangover
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