Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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