So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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