So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
