all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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