I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
