I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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