she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
