i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
don't judge my taste in strippers
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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