If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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