Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
