ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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