He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Randomize