Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
