she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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