My nipple is on Facebook.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
