just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
3pm strippers are depressing
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
