First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
you will always have a special place in my vag
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
