I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
