Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
