I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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