I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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