clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize