Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
