yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
