I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
