Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
