Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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