hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My ATM looks so different sober.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
