You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
