All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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