hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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