Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
