Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
