and you said cock pushups were impossible
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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