I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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