The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
