If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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