yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize