The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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