Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
