What a fucking waste of an outfit
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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