you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
