We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
