I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
