You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
