I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
