i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
