That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
