At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize