We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
