She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize