Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
