nut hugger
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
