lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
