You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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