is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
