My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
