STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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