chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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