just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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