apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize