I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
There's even glitter on my cock...
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