Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
