I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
