I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
