I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
