i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
