he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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