If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
