Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
