It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's shark week go big or go home
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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