I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
