My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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