I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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