after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
