maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
