using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Im part way to drunk.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
