I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
