before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
