oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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