Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
