I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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