Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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