if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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