YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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