hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
