Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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