Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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