Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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