you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
