Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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