I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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