He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
