Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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