moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
